Surprised? Argh….

Early in life surprises are a positive event. They’re birthday parties, engagements, and random acts of kindness. They bring glee and joy, delight and jubilation. Yet as we age, those surprises turn negative. They take the form of unplanned expenses, illnesses and unexpected layoffs. The uncertain becomes something to dread rather than something to celebrate.  That said, if you’re looking for an uncertainty-related laugh, this Youtube short (my kids will make fun of me for not using TikTok), gave me a chuckle.

Businesses, however, love the boring and the predictable. Investors love the consistent growth that follows such predictability. Employees appreciate the predictability of daily routine and the ease of making decisions where there is certainty in their surrounding environment. Both managers and employees enjoy roadmaps. When the future is predictable, the present is more manageable. Simply, if you want success, minimize the potential for surprise. By its very nature, surprises are impossible to prevent.  They are outside of our control: they happen to you. But as managers, there is a very specific sort of surprise that’s easy to prevent: a performance review with a surprise. Leaders must maintain clear direction in both their one-on-ones and their interpersonal communication throughout the  work week. If an employee is surprised by the feedback they receive in a review, that means the manager’s communication hasn’t been clear. Simply, being surprised during a performance review is new bueno. 

To new Product Management leaders, I saw this: If your associate is surprised during a review, that’s an indication your feedback is falling short. Here are a couple of tools to help. 

Note: I will avoid cliché suggestions like timing, focus, listening, and whatnot. If you’re looking to improve in those areas, refer to the books; Crucial Conversation or a classic, Working with Emotional Intelligence is where I’d start. 

The “I love you sandwich”

If it’s a review that needs to deal with hard truths, the pattern to follow is: positive / negative / positive.

• Start with the positive: “You’re more than qualified for this role…” “You started strong…” “You were obviously well-intended…”
• Go right into the feedback your employee needs to act on. Be specific with examples. Leave no room for them to misunderstand your feedback.
• End with a second positive. “This is well within your wheelhouse…” “If you need help, I am here…” 

If it’s positive feedback you’re hoping to impose, the communication is far easier — but the pattern must remain the same. 

• Start with the positive. “You were well-prepared…” “You presented incredibly well…”
• Go right into the feedback your employee needs to build upon, as they are demonstrating competency and success. Again, be specific with examples.
• End with positive messaging, but with an eye for the future. Establishing the behavior as the first entry in a pattern has previously worked well for me. “This is so good and now it is the norm…” “I like this behavior as the beginning of a pattern…”

If you’re uncomfortable with the positive side of this or immediately dismiss the term “I love you sandwich” then you might pride yourself in an antiquated, Mad-Men-style approach to “leadership” (in quotes for a reason). You likely resist the change that has been spurred by young Millennials and Gen Z becoming key players in the workplace. The reality — whether you like it or not — is that every generation has different expectations for workplace communication and dynamics. If you want to be the best for your team, you must meet them where they are. 

Speaking of, here is my second recommendation.

Your team must know that you have their best interest in mind when you make decisions. They must know this as an absolute.

If there is doubt, then your team may trust you, but not completely. This is a relationship you must be unwilling to compromise. You must absolutely protect it. Once this mutual trust is established, only then will your team have the chance to become a High-Performing team. 

One trust is established, honest discussions about performance, successes, and challenges will follow. This changes the entire tone of team discussions from a careful one with sensitive articulation to one of authenticity and the ability to have a long-from two-way discussion. 

This about the soccer coach who screams across the pitch to give direction to one of his players. There is trust in that relationship, and thus the player realizes his coach speaks to him with urgency rather than anger. He does not take the direction as a criticism. Instead, he realizes that his coach simply wants him to succeed.

Again, what trust creates is the clarity that brings predictability. Your associate will come to the discussion and say, “I messed up and here is what I learned.” On the flip side, the leader can share their vulnerabilities. Thus, performance reviews become validations of performance and not a moment of surprise for either individual.

Here is one of my favorite performance review moments. I asked, “If you were me, what are two successes, and one area of improvement you would give yourself?” The entire discussion was 100% consistent to what I already had in mind as we focused on the nuances of how I can best help him. Because — as it turns out — my associate thought of the same things that I had. Aside from being one of my favorite reviews, it also showed two critical behaviors. Throughout the year, not only was feedback given and trusted (both ways), but it was well received, absorbed, and acted upon. 

In comedy, surprises can be funny (Think about The Rookie here), but in the workplace, surprises create fear, uncertainty, and doubt. However, a good manager who combines authenticity and direct communication can subvert the ever-present threat of a surprise.